Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
