Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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