totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize