Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
