Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
