You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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