There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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