Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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