i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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