This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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