I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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