Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am naked and annoyed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
