If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
