I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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