he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
