I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone signed my nipple.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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