I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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