just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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