Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
