I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize