I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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