I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
