You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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