I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
