Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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