I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
