There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
