I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
