She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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