Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
