I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
