The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
