Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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