Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
