And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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