sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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