Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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