How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize