she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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