I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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