K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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