According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
