So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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