she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
