i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
