You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
