I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize