Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
