I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
