He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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