Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
only you would photoshop your dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
