so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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