My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
