Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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