Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
