I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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