I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's shark week go big or go home
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
