Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
