Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
this is an emotional support booty call
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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