Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
