hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
