It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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