My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize