No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
