I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
