Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
