So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
