Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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