You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
