Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
