Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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