plz talk dirty to me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had sex on a roof
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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