shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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