I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
