...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize