Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
