My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
