It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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