I just made out with a guy for $7.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize