i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
