shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize