dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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