the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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