He kissed a someone with a penis
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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