I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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