u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
