you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
