Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
