She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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