i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
