It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
