he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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