So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Boobs are out for the taking
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
