Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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