so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Randomize
