i just wanna soil my oats bro
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
