No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
